Iwar

[A&E-Style Narration Over Security Camera Footage and Shaky Cell Phone Video]

Narrator (serious tone):
In a quiet corner of Seattle, Washington, what starts as a typical day for a high-rise doorman quickly turns into an internet prank gone rogue. This is Neighborhood Wars.

[Cut to exterior security cam footage of Bushwell Plaza. It’s a sunny afternoon.]

Narrator:
It’s just past 3 p.m., and Lewbert — the notoriously grumpy doorman of Bushwell Plaza — thinks it’s just another Tuesday. What he doesn’t know is that the kids upstairs are cooking up something that’s about to make his wart go viral.

[Cut to cell phone footage filmed by Freddie. Carly, Sam, and Robert are hiding behind a bush across the street, giggling.]

Carly (whispering):
Okay, Freddie, camera’s rolling?

Freddie (whispering):
Yup. I got Lewbert in frame. Let the chaos commence.

Robert (grinning):
I still say we should’ve put glitter in the letter. I love a dramatic sparkle.

Sam:
Save it for your one-man show, Broadway Bob. Now watch and learn.

[Carly tiptoes to the front of the building with a package wrapped in obnoxiously bright paper labeled “FREE WART REMOVAL CREAM – DO NOT OPEN.” She rings the bell and runs off.]

Narrator:
This trio of pranksters just delivered a mystery package with a suspicious label and even more suspicious intent.

[Lewbert opens the door. He reads the package.]

Lewbert (disgusted):
FREE WART REMOVAL—? I’ll have you know this wart is legally protected under Seattle historic landmark status!

[He yells up at the building.]

Lewbert:
CARLY SHAY!!! I KNOW THIS IS YOU! THIS HAS SAM PUCKETT WRITTEN ALL OVER IT—LITERALLY, SHE SIGNED IT WITH MUSTARD!

Narrator:
Frustrated and unaware he’s being watched, Lewbert takes the bait.

[Security cam footage shows Lewbert opening the package—BOOM! A glitter bomb explodes in his face. He screams. Sam and Robert are howling from behind the bush.]

Lewbert (covered in glitter, flailing):
I’M SPARKLY! I’M SPARKLY AND I HATE IT!

Robert (off camera, delighted):
You're the fairy godmother of rage!

Narrator:
Lewbert’s meltdown becomes internet gold—racking up over 3.2 million views in just under 24 hours.

[Cut to interview-style footage of Lewbert sitting in the lobby, still with some glitter in his hair.]

Lewbert:
I called 9-1-1. They said, “Sir, glitter’s not a crime.” I said, “It should be!”

[Cut to interview-style footage of Sam shrugging, eating beef jerky.]

Sam:
He’s lucky we didn’t launch him out of a cannon like we originally planned.

Narrator:
In this neighborhood, even the doorman isn’t safe from the digital age of mischief. One prank at a time… the war continues.

[Theme music swells. Fade to black.]

ON-SCREEN TEXT:
Lewbert eventually removed the glitter with a lint roller and intense therapy. No warts were harmed in the making of this prank.